Sunday, August 3, 2008

Ungrateful (So-Called Adult) Children

I thought my wife and I were alone, but we're not. The more we compare notes and read what other parents' experiences are, we realize that we're not the only ones with an ungrateful adult child. Isn't that an oxymoron? Adult child? Of course it is, but it is an accurate description, nonetheless.

Today we were given yet another account of a young woman who's parents are in an almost constant state of woe for the past couple of years. It seems to get worse for them, not better.

First, this young woman is living with this guy that wont work, and has told her from the very beginning that he will "never" marry her. He says that he "doesn't believe in it". Evidently, he doesn't believe in supporting his family either, because he'll barely keep a job.
Recently, he had minor surgery while by all accounts, he should be back to work within a week. Instead, he is riding this gravy train for all it's worth and is staying off work for three weeks. And this is three weeks that he will not be bringing in a paycheck for this young woman, and their infant child. He doesn't care. If he can't pay the rent or feed the family, the grand parents will have to chip in like they've been chipping in for the last couple of years.
Last month, their phone bill was over $200 and was in arears, so the phone service was cut off. To get it back on, the grand parents paid, and this month, there's another $200 bill.

In addition, this young couple has had transportation issues, and so the parents lent them a car, and even filled the tank with gasoline for them (you do know what gasoline prices are right now?).
Well when told this over the phone, this young woman said to her mom, "On your way over here, could you stop and get us a large pizza with everything on it?"

When is enough enough?
These people are not wealthy people. They are strapped for cash but are helping their daughter, who has an infant child and is living with this deadbeat that wont support them. They're providing them a car and even filled the gas tank and was bringing the car over to them; and yet it wasn't enough. I couldn't believe she had the gall to ask for a large pizza to be brought over.

When you're poor and living on a budget, you buy groceries and cook and eat at home as much as possible. This is crazy.

Well, upon getting home, I began to reflect on these ungrateful kids. I did a google search, just out of curiousity, and I was amazed at the number of parents that are having to put up with ungrateful adult kids. There's even a whole discussion group for it (at

I'm not going to say that we feel lucky after hearing about what these other people are going through. It tends to make me angry that we're having to put up with (in our own home) the abuse that we do from our own grown child. However, being a parent, you have to ignore the anger adn the disgust, and figure out a way to be a parent; not to coddle, but to motivate. We have made our son's life too comfortable and he is abusing us. We're cutting that off, and I urge every parent of an ungrateful adult child to do the same.


Devra said... are not alone....they don't appreciate anything...they expect it and they think you owe it to them....WROOOOOONNNNNG!

Single Mom said...

You are definitely not alone. I am a single mother who raised my now 18 year old daughter alone. I sent her to private schools until now. On September 10th she moved out to live with friends. She has been planning these new friends birthday party. She missed my last two birthdays because she was with friends. Now she is saying she cannot live in the house she grew up in. She also said she hates me and doesn't care how I live my life. She is ungrateful.